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Post by Wonder on Mar 6, 2003 21:01:56 GMT -5
Alrite. To kick off this new board, and to official announce my 1500th post [go me!], I'm starting a new project thing. Here, to keep yew guys humored and updated on my weird life, I will post a quote once a day for ya to see. What kinda quotes ya ask? They will all be original, stated by either me or my friends, classmates, and so on. Most will be from the school day, but not always. And a new one will be up every day of school. Fun? Yup. Comments and thoughts are encouraged, and even feel free to post any funny things that yewr peers said to yew, but remember... THIS IS MY IDEA!!! RAWR!!! Ahem. Yea. Here we go!
03.06.03
"Let's burn the school down and find out..." - Mary; girl who sits behind me in French class. This was suggested after we led a long discussion on ashes and cinders, and weather cinders were the hot and glowy-reddish remains of a fire or not...
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1500 posts. Bow down. I rule all.
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Post by Wonder on Mar 7, 2003 21:38:13 GMT -5
03.07.03
"This school better have the money to pay for my therapy bills..." - Bridget in English Class first period, when we were not looking forward to a long day of school. And also...
"It's FRIDAY!!" - Everyone in French class at 2:40 when the last bell rang. Yew gotta luv it...
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Post by Wonder on Mar 10, 2003 23:34:18 GMT -5
03.10.03
"Five seconds. Four. Three. Two. One. And bell!!!!!" - The one and only, me, counting down the last five seconds of last-period-math. Can yew say boring? I can...
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Post by Wonder on Mar 11, 2003 20:27:07 GMT -5
03.11.03
"Um. And. Yea. That's about it..." - Nayi; My best friend and ASR [Authentic Science Research] Buddy closing up her presentation to the freshmen class we were 'recruiting' into the program. Very professional, no?
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Post by Wonder on Mar 21, 2003 19:59:38 GMT -5
Mwha! I totally lagged off on this. Bad me! BADDDD! Ahem. So I'll just stuff this board with random junk. JOKE TIME!!! ;D
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Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven.
However, St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit
33% of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the
worst death? So, St. Peter takes each of the three men aside in
turn and asks them about how they died.
First man: "I'd been suspecting for a long time that my wife was
cheating on me. I decided to come home early from work one
afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When
I got back to my apartment, I heard the water running. My wife
was in the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn't
find anyone or any trace that he had been there. The last place
I looked was out on the balcony.
I found the bastard hanging from the edge, trying to get back
in! So I started jumping up and down on his hands, and he
yelled, but he didn't fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer,
and crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five floors
screaming in agony. But the fall didn't kill the not a very nice person
. He
landed in some bushes! So I dragged the refirgerator from the
kitchen (it weighed about a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and
hurled it over the edge. It landed right on the guy and killed
him. But then I felt so horrible about what I had done, I went
back into the bedroom and shot myself."
St. Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then,
telling the first man to wait, he took the second aside.
Second man: "I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this
apartment building. I had just purchased this book on morning
exercises and was practicing them on my balcony, enjoying the
sunshine, when I lost my balance and fell off the edge. Luckily,
I only fell about two floors before grabbing another balcony and
holding on for dear life. I was trying to pull myself up when
this guy came running onto what must have been his balcony and
started jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but
he seemed really irate. When he finally stopped, I tried to pull
myself up again, but he came out with a hammer and smashed my
fingers to a pulp! I fell, and I thought I was dead, but I
landed in some bushes. I couldn't believe my second stroke of
luck, but it didn't last. The last thing I saw was this enormous
refrigerator falling from the building down on top of me and
crushing me."
St. Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several broken
bones. Then he told him to wait, and turned to the third man.
Third man: "Picture this. You're hiding, naked, in a
refrigerator..."
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Mwha! -Ahem. Goes away now-
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Post by FrostByte on Mar 21, 2003 20:04:27 GMT -5
i recall hearing that one a long time ago, in a distant land when i still had AOL. XD! i still fell outta maiie chair
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Post by Wonder on Mar 21, 2003 22:38:51 GMT -5
Mwha. Yea. I'm copying these off the web. And the 'joke-of-the-day' e-mails I use to get months ago. Fun fun. Since I lagged off and I'm bored now, I'll just keep them coming  --------- Three guys died; when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them and said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. Your answer will depend on what kind of car you get. You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big!" The first guy walks up and Peter asks the first guy, "How long were you married?" The first guy says, "24 years." "Did you ever cheat on your wife?" Peter asked. The guy said, "Yeah, 7 times, but you said I was forgiven." Peter said, "Yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto to drive." The second guy walks up and gets the same question from Peter and says, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year, so we really worked it out." Peter said, "I'm pleased to hear that; here's your Lincoln." The third guy walked up and said, "Peter, I know what you're going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!" Peter said, "That's what I like to hear. Here's a Jaguar!" A little while later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk, so they went to see what was the matter. When they asked the guy with the Jaguar what was wrong, he said, "I just saw my wife; she was on a skateboard!" |
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Post by Wonder on Mar 22, 2003 0:08:44 GMT -5
It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. PS. Sure is hot down here. ------------- ;D  ;D -Giggle fit- |
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Post by Wonder on Mar 23, 2003 18:06:26 GMT -5
I think I passed some of these along in an e-mail once, but for any who might not have seen, have fun. Err. Some 'grown up' stuff is included, so don't blame me if yew're not suppose to read it -Warning for some certain ppl-
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Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them
Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them
Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad: He's a cross-dresser
Ugly: He looks better than you
Good: Your son's finally maturing
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you
Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad: She keeps interrupting
Ugly: With corrections
Good: You wife's not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce
Ugly: She's a lawyer
Good: The postman's early
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas
Good: You're daughter got a new job
Bad: As a hooker
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients
Way ugly: She makes more money than you do
Good: You're son is dating someone new
Bad: It's another man
Ugly: He's you're best friend
Good: You're wife is pregnant.
Bad: It's triplets
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.
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Mwha! 1600 posts!
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Post by Wonder on Mar 23, 2003 18:23:12 GMT -5
This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL
BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: We are a lighthouse. Your call.
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Gotta luff Americans ;D
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Post by Wonder on Mar 24, 2003 22:16:17 GMT -5
When I was younger I hated going to weddings... it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.'
They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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XD! Yew're next ppl! Yew're NEXT!
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Post by Wonder on Mar 24, 2003 22:22:20 GMT -5
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself." --------------------- ;D ;D  ;D ;D |
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Post by Wonder on Mar 30, 2003 16:44:15 GMT -5
There are two friends at a bar late one night. One holds a cat everywhere he goes. He never wears a watch. The friend finally asks him, "What's with the cat?" The man responds, "I use it to tell time."
As the two are leaving the bar, the second man is pondering how this is possible. He finally asks his friend, puzzled, "So how does it tell time?" The man gives the cat a hard squeeze around its middle. The cat lets out a long meow, very loud. Down the street, a woman opens her window to yell, "What's with all the racket? It's one in the morning!!!"
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ANIMAL ABUSE! -Ahem-
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Post by Wonder on May 20, 2003 18:28:04 GMT -5
Wow. Been ages since I updated this. Me bored. Time for a poem
The Wild Wolf
A canine creature with a heavy built,
His eyes are gleaming; they mirror all guilt.
His massive paws can silently stalk,
Through the woods, a figure does walk.
Fangs as white as the mountain-top snow,
Ears so keen, every sound they know.
Eyes dart around, all movement is caught,
His fur ruffles lightly, a lesson is taught.
Senses alert, not a whisper goes by,
He patrols his land; his tail held high.
Pride and honor are all in his howl,
Danger echoes with one warning growl.
Within this world, instinct will always be,
For one thing is certain, the wolf will stay free.
Written by me, of course XD A long time ago at that. Boa just shared a poem of hers with me and I recalled this one, and since I had replied everywhere and was bored, decided to... post. Me done now... |
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;D -Giggle fit-
;D